Ok, so how does someone who has always identified themselves as a mother move on...we end up with teenagers. Yes, that is what happens. One day, while we are innocently sleeping, we wake up and walk into the kitchen and BOOM! There they are. In all of their glory. Filled with their own knowledge that has seemingly came out of nowhere and is greater than your own. All of a sudden, they seem to not need you. But wait. Out of their mouths comes "Mom can you ___?", you can fill in the blank with whatever you can think of. This is when you realize that you have taught them, but have you really trained them? I figured out that teaching your child something and training them in the ways that it should be done are two different things. Your child may know how to do it, but getting them to use their knowledge is where the training part comes in. I have three boys and one girl. There is no power struggle, I rule supreme. At least I like to think so. But at this point I have decided to let them have some control. They need to learn to make their own mistakes and Mom not be there to clean it all up all of the time. There are consequences for actions and we have always tried to teach them that, now it's time for training. With that being said, I do like to start with training wheels. I am a Mom. But I decided with their new found independence, I needed something too...but what??? A-HA! A life. How do I go about getting one of those? It's been so long since I really had one. The nerves set in. I have went to college off and on for a degree for years, but always decided that the kids were too important, at that time, for me to leave. Well, now is the time! So, here I am. I'm a college student. With no life. It's funny that I rush home from class to make sure that everything is ok. I've met people and I like them, but most of them are so close to the age of my kids. So, I have decided that when I graduate, I will find a wonderful job, I will initiate adult conversations and I will then have a life. That is my goal. That is what I am searching for. Not just a job, but somewhere that can become part of my existance. When I have worked, I have loved it. I love working, but my children have always been my priority. Choices have to be made about priorities and that is where mine fell at the time. Things are changing in my life. My people are growing. I'm growing. It's time. It's my time. This is where I feel that I am training them. I am taking my time away so that they have to take their teachings that we have given them and apply them in training skills. This is also where my training comes in. I am training not to be so dependent on being Mom. They have to learn to fly and I have to learn to let go. WOW!!! No one ever really explained this part to me. I never knew how hard it would be to tell my kids...go fix yourself something to eat, I have homework. I feel so guilty. But should I? The answer is no. If they can't fix themselves a meal before they leave our home then what is going to happen when they move out? I will tell you...they will starve or be at my house every night for me to feed because I didn't do my job of raising them properly. Now, this is where I begin to feel useless yet again. Why you ask? Well, because we have actually done a wonderful job of raising thoughtful children (not perfect, but thoughtful) and they will ask me if I need them to fix me something to eat. Can you say Mom feels like poo now? I should beem with pride that they would consider my feelings and needs but instead I have guilt. The one thing I know is that this is helping them in their training to take care of a spouse or a child, if the need ever arises. So, occasionally, I give in and let them prepare a feast of hamburger helper or grilled cheese or chicken strips...whatever is on the menu...for me. They beem with pride and so do I. Now, if I could just get them trained to do all of their homework by themselves things would go much more smoothly in the homework department at our house...considering I now have my own to contend with. So, that is my learning experience for this time! :) Smile often, love lots, and bless everyone even if they don't deserve it!!! :)
JYN
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